Culture (noun): The customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group (Merriam-Webster dictionary)

Stopped into a local bakeshop a few days ago to pick up a few treats. Approaching the cashier, asked if there were any doughnuts available (they have pretty exceptional doughnuts). She went into the kitchen and shortly after one of the guys brought out a tray of freshly-baked doughnuts; even the icing was still runny. Quickly went towards the shelf as the cashier was already ringing up other items.

The area is fairly compact and there were three (who looked to be) high school students standing idle as they waited for another person (presumably, the mother of one of the boys) at the counter. Walked around them and picked out a doughnut and placed on a piece of wax paper as an entire tray was not really necessary – it turned out to be a big mistake. Walking back to the counter, passed the boys again and, at just the right moment, a shimmy and a hand gesture from one of them – still unnecessarily huddled in a crowded area – knocked the doughnut right onto the floor. Got another one to replace it but didn’t even get a sorry.

Immediately after the incident, the mother told them to sit at their table (because, apparently, it’s always better to wait for something to happen rather than taking precaution). While waiting for the cashier, the boys’ order arrived and one of them – not sure if it was the main perpetrator – approached and asked “Excuse me” in order for him to retrieve his food. Apparently, they want others to accommodate them but they are unwilling to offer the same for others. Why else would somebody unnecessarily stand in the middle of a crowded area?

On the drive home, kept thinking about the doughnut and the kind of inconsiderate attitudes witnessed at the bakeshop.

Ask anybody outside the country and, more often than not, respondents will say they would prefer not to be in a crowded situation if they could avoid it; yet (and this is not a unique quality to the boys), there seems to be an affinity among locals to enjoy crowds. Take for example, if crossing paths with somebody in a narrow space, despite giving them room to pass, they almost always pick the narrower route. Why? Even when standing along the side of a walkway or hallway, offering ample space for others to pass, there is always somebody to bump into. How? There is so much space. The only assumption is it’s a local custom; chalked up to another “culture clash” episode.

It’s almost deliberate the way in which people inconvenience others; as if they take some kind of pleasure out of bothering other people.

These guys appeared to be in their mid to late teens, where are they picking up this arrogance? Family? The Catholic school where they are attaining an “education?”

Have written several times previously about the lack of common courtesy experienced across the city. One of the more recent examples was while waiting at a hair salon. Saw a woman and a man walking in, they appeared to be familiar with each other, and he was holding a baby in his arms. The woman walked in first and just let the door swing closed behind her; right in the face of her supposed husband with an infant in his arms. Got to thinking, if people are unwilling to do something as basic as to hold the door for a family member or friend, why would there any expectation people would extend such kindness to strangers? Still not sure if it’s a matter a pride or if people feel inferior if they express polite behavior (maybe a combination).

The attitude also runs parallel to the way people drive.

Drivers never stop at intersections. In the United States, they have stop signs at intersections to instruct motorists to be wary of oncoming traffic; even if there isn’t a stop sign, it’s common practice to still slowdown in case another vehicle is approaching – it’s both common sense and a concern over protecting oneself. Yet, across Bacolod City, cars NEVER stop at intersections.

One could add it to the litany of “culture clash” experiences but regulations surrounding driving at intersections are written into Philippine law – and it’s a similar policy to driving elsewhere in the world.

RA 4136, the Land Transportation and Traffic Code, states in Chapter IV, Article III, Section 42: “When two vehicles approach or enter an intersection at approximately the same time, the driver of the vehicle on the left shall yield the right of way to the vehicle on the right.” In addition, Section 43 reads: “The driver of a vehicle entering a highway from a private road or drive shall yield the right of way to all vehicles approaching on such highway.”

What’s the reality? If a vehicle approaches an intersection at the same time as another, either one of them speeds up to get there first and the right of way goes to whomever wins that game of chicken.

Have also never experienced so many near sideswipes than in Bacolod City; cannot even recall a time ever that a car has attempted to shift lanes despite there being a car directly adjacent except in Bacolod City.

It’s hard to define if these drivers are arrogant or stupid because it’s merely a matter of looking out the passenger-side window to see if there is a car in the next lane – one doesn’t even need the side mirror to see cars next to them. It becomes unclear because either they still proceed to change lanes out of ignorance or they’re so conceited there is an expectation the other vehicle will just yield or is willing to be bumped off the road.

It still comes down to being inconsiderate.

A driver will force themselves into an occupied lane of traffic, completely unaware of others in their immediate area; in the same vein, an ignorant high school student exhibits that exact attitude in their inability to recognize the space within the shop is to be shared by all patronizing the business and not for him and his friends to powwow.

Other writers have suggested the need to reinstate good manners and right conduct in basic education curriculum; one even suggested such coursework for couples intending to marry. While the argument has its merits, going to school in the United States, they don’t teach that kind of program; at the most there was home economics but that was just baking cookies and sewing pillowcases. Learning “Please,” “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” holding doors for others, looking both ways before crossing the street, covering one’s mouth when they cough, chewing with one’s mouth closed, giving way to others, proper greetings, and other such rudimentary “skills” are taught at home.

In today’s household parents and grandparents all likely took good manners and right conduct courses when they were in school and should be passing it down; but it’s not happening. In the end, one may only assume such a common and widespread attitude of discourteousness, which is exhibited among people of all ages, is not a matter of rude versus polite but it’s the culture./WDJ