A refusal to put up a façade

Posted by watchmen
February 5, 2018
Posted in OPINION
An ongoing situation that has been brewing over the past few years with a family member is expected to come to a head in a matter of days. It is something that is beyond awkward, but a matter that has been overblown to the point that my own integrity and competence has been called into question, which only expanded the conflict into one which will never be resolved.
A few years ago, a random everyday chat among family members turned into a major blowup – one that is still difficult to comprehend. Was accused by a family member of maligning their character and making comments they did not particularly take a liking to. When faced with the allegations, none of it seemed familiar to me. It was suggested to nip the problem in the bud and just apologize, even if the claims were wrong – for the sake of family, they said. Offered an apology, where it was noted that the allegations seemed off, and was met with the reply, “Then, think harder and remember what you said.”
That in itself shows the accuser believes the subject has no integrity. To the point where that person is so incompetent, they are not even aware of the things they do or say.
I let the matter rest and offered another apology, which was met with silence.
Given the lack of regard the person offered, I have no idea why they would want or need to hear from somebody they have such little respect for. If they chose to cut ties in real life, then what is the purpose of a connection on social media (usually, it’s the other way around). However, it would appear, even though that person has such disdain for an individual they believe smeared their character so badly, to the point of cutting off ACTUAL ties, they seemed to be even more insulted when social media links were cut.
Personally, if there was somebody who I believed was an individual of poor character or somebody who I was insulted by, I wouldn’t want to be connected with that person in any way. Why would I want to see random posts from somebody I believed was a liar and constantly speaking poorly of me?
Now, this person is in the country for a vacation and plans are in the works (by others) for a visit. This is not an ideal situation for either party; one side feels slighted by the other and is waiting for them to admit to something that is a complete mystery, while the other side’s integrity and character has been denigrated because of the said ignorance to the situation. Yet, somehow, pleasantries need to be presented and a façade of bonding has to be put up? It sounds like a waste of time.
Perhaps it’s another errant character trait that differs from local trends. So many are eager to cuddle up to others, most of the time, with hopes of getting something material in return – even if it means pretending to enjoy every second with that person. Being fake and putting up a façade is not only draining, but it’s annoying. Why do it? Are material possession more important than one’s honor; at least, in my case, the person in question thinks I have no integrity.
When this meeting happens – and it will definitely happen – it’s going to be more than awkward. This is an individual who cut off ties years ago and there is now an expectation to welcome them warmly. Since the initial incident occurred, have not been welcomed at their residence – on the last planned visit, it was automatically suggested to another family member that I stay with friends instead – and, now, the red carpet has be rolled out on this occasion?
If I really am this person deemed ungrateful, ill-mannered, and rude, then why would they even consider coming within a kilometer of me?
It will not be a pleasant situation, to say the least./WDJ

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