Love is universal yet how it is spoken, felt and sustained is deeply personal.
For some, love sounds like “I’m proud of you.” For others, it comes in a packed lunch prepared before sunrise, a hand held in silence, a thoughtful gift, or an undivided time after a long day.
This is where the idea of love languages comes in, not as a rulebook for couples, but as a guide to understanding how people give and receive love in ways that truly matter to them.
Introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992, the concept of love languages suggests that people have preferred ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gift-giving.
Originally, Chapman proposed that people tend to give love the same way they wish to receive.
In an interview with GMA News Online, relationship coach Alicia Serrano compared Chapman’s concept of love languages to speaking one’s “mother tongue.”
“So if you speak, let’s say, Filipino, that’s how you receive it. That’s how you express it as well,” she explained.
But in real life, love is rarely that simple.
Love languages in practice: Not one-size-fits-all
According to Serrano, in clinical practice and everyday relationships, love languages often show more flexibility than the original theory suggests.
Some people express love one way but long to receive it another. Others find that their preferences shift as they grow, mature and experience different seasons of life.
“Originally, it was meant to imply na parehas ‘yung preferred way of receiving and expressing,” the practitioner explained.
“But in practice, may flexibility ‘yan. You don’t have to fit yourself in a box naman if you find yourself having two different languages that you prefer to receive in and express,” she said.
Socialization also plays a major role. For example, many men grow up discouraged from verbal affection even if they crave words of affirmation.
“Just because, socially, they’re not really encouraged to do so. So, parang may shaping na nangyayari with how we express it. So, [there are] a lot of factors there,” Serrano said.
Rather than treating love languages as strict labels, the expert emphasized looking for the best love language that will work for you and your partner.
“I wouldn’t recommend taking it and really being strict about it,” Serrano said. “If you happen to notice na may pagkakaiba, I think it’s always helpful to see what works for you. And if it doesn’t, then you can always modify it in one way naman,” she added.
Gen Z love: Assurance, presence and emotional awareness
For Angelo and Vannette, a Gen Z couple together for one year and nine months, love languages are lived out in everyday intimacy.
According to Vannette, love language is how you communicate your love to someone and vice versa.”
She jokes about sending reels as a form of affection, but admits physical touch plays a central role.
“I’m clingy, and sometimes a hug says more than words,” she admitted.
Still, reassurance matters most to her. “Among the five love languages, I want to receive words of affirmation the most. I need to hear it.”
Angelo expresses love through presence and effort. He leans toward acts of service and quality time — listening, helping in small ways, and being emotionally present.
“As our relationship grew deeper, I learned to value presence, understanding and consistent effort more than material expressions of love,” Angelo said.
Their experience reflects Serrano’s observation that love languages don’t necessarily change, but develop and evolve over time.
“I think with time, you learn more about yourself, and you learn more about relationships and how they work. You’re gonna have a lot of different experiences. And that would shape what would be important and what you would value,” Serrano said.
“I think there is growth there and realizing what’s actually important for you. So, you’re still in the process of elimination or really identifying what would work for you,” the love coach added.
Long-term love: Quiet devotion and consistency
In long-term relationships, the challenge isn’t discovering love languages once. It’s staying fluent.
For Elpidio and Charito, who have been married for 29 years, love is quiet, steady and woven into the small acts of everyday life.
“Love is not measured by gifts alone,” Charito said. “But by acts of service.”
The homemaker shows her love through the rhythm of daily care, such as managing the home, preparing meals and looking after her husband, a soldier who was often deployed.
“When he arrives home, he eats and rests. I handle the household responsibilities,” she explains, adding she doesn’t need extravagance to feel loved.
“I am not someone who looks for gifts from my husband. His time and attention toward me and our children are more than enough. He never neglects us and consistently reminds us that we matter to him,” Charito added.
Elpidio, in turn, feels his love through his wife’s quiet devotion.
“Love language means meeting the needs of my wife and children and standing by them with constant support,” he told GMA News Online.
Small gestures such as “waking up early to cook meals and prepare everything I need” speak volumes.
According to Serrano, love languages in long-term partnerships don’t necessarily change, but they do require attention, fluency and intention.
“The honeymoon phase is gonna end at some point, so you need to be consistent so that hindi malaki ‘yung drop from the butterflies, from the novelty of things,” Serrano explained.
“You need to learn and be good at it at some point. You don’t need to expect yourself to be an expert right away,” she added.
Long-term love demands effort, especially on days when it’s easier to retreat into your own routines.
“You don’t have to be an expert right away,” Serrano emphasized, “but you really need to learn about your partner.”
The language of love requires practice. Without it, fluency fades and, over time because the ways we give and receive love may evolve.
Quality time, physical touch, or words of affirmation may look very different than they did when a relationship was new, reflecting the partner’s current needs rather than their past self.
“Your partner is your favorite subject. You have to study them, observe them, and choose to understand them every day,” Serrano said.
At the heart of it, long-term love is a daily choice, a conscious decision to speak your partner’s language, even when it would be easier not to.
For couples like Elpidio and Charito, that choice has made all the difference, turning decades of quiet care into a love story that endures. (GMA Integrated News)