“It’s only by saying NO that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” –Steve Jobs

I had been a “yes” girl for a really long time in my life. I couldn’t just say no to people’s favors and requests before because I would feel bad about it. Then, I realized it wasn’t healthy for me at all.

When people asked to borrow money and I didn’t have anything, I would borrow from others using my name and lend it to them… But of course, that borrowing is tantamount to giving since it’s sure that they won’t pay me back.
When I was busy and people asked me to do errands for them, I would do their errands first. And it left me scrambling to do my own stuff in a limited time.
When I was asked to do something different from my beliefs, I would do it because I couldn’t refuse. Then, I would blame myself for not standing up for my principles after.

Saying “no” was just never in my vocabulary, and I suffered from it.

Many of us grew up and were trained to please the people around us. We value what society thinks of us better than we value ourselves. We try our best not to commit the “mistake” of offending others or being on their wrong side. Thus, we agree to what people say and ask even if it means going against our own. We do things for them even if we face repercussions from our actions.

We try to give until we realize we don’t have anything to give anymore. We are drained, we are helpless, we are tired.

If there is one thing that I wished I learned earlier in life, it is to say no to people. If I learned it a long time ago, I wouldn’t have to pay off debts that were not even from me, to begin with. I would have enjoyed a lot of my time working on myself and making sure I am healthy in all aspects of life. I wouldn’t have felt guilty for previously going against my beliefs and principles. And I wouldn’t have to feel like I was a pushover.

If I learned how to say no earlier, I believe my life would have taken a different path. But, there’s no point now in gushing about the past, right? Even if it’s late, I’m just thankful that I am now able to refuse politely and responsibly.

Though it’s just an unassuming two-letter word, “no” is anything but simple. It takes a lot of effort to say it without feeling guilty afterwards. It takes a brave soul to stand her ground. It draws the line between what you want and what you don’t want.

For me, no is a magic word. It may not be pleasing for other people to hear, but it is definitely healthy for my soul and mental state. As I say this word whenever it is called for, I started prioritizing my feelings and needs over someone else’s. Some may think about it as selfishness. But for those who experienced the negatives of not being able to say no, this word is a breath of fresh air.

No isn’t a rude word. It just defines a clear boundary of what people can cross and can’t cross. It is meant to protect myself (and you) from people who abuse our kindness.

As soon as we learn how to say this word, it doesn’t necessarily mean we should say no to all things or favors. It just means that we now have a choice to arrange our priorities and act on them based on ranking. This will help us manage our time better, and prevent ourselves from being burnt out.

It was really a struggle to refuse people at first. It made me feel guilty, especially since I was not used to it. It took the constant practice of reminding myself that I am not a bad person for turning down favors. A couple of years passed, I improved in the art of turning down. I also felt more confident in myself since I now have a clear definition of what I like and do not like.

But, the best part is that it showed the true colors of the people around me. It showed me who I can trust and those who only think of me as the pushover one. Real friends understand whenever I have to decline something; while the faux ones would talk harshly of me for not doing their bidding.

I don’t regret refusing people now because my life has become better when I learned how to say no./WDJ