“Obnoxious people talk too loudly to get attention… Their modus operandi to get attention is with volume rather than brain power.” –Author and CEO Dianna Booher
Ventured out into the rain yesterday, praying there wouldn’t be too much flooding, and tried out a fairly new place in town with a promotion for unlimited food – it wasn’t bad. However, one thing that did hinder the experience was the clientele. It was a small place with, what appeared to be, devices for acoustic absorption on the ceiling, but, due to a rather raucous table, could not hear anybody sitting within one foot at the same table; the next table over was drowning everything out. The environment required one to raise their voice, which then drew the attention of another table – a vicious cycle.
However, this wouldn’t be the first time encountering such circumstances.
At another restaurant, which has since closed, stopped in for lunch and was taken aback by how loud they chose to play their music. A nearby table of high school students accompanied the music with their boisterous exchanges. After a while it became unbearable and asked to have the music turned down a bit, to which the staff obliged; but the kids were not too keen and openly expressed their disappointment when the music was lowered. It became clear they weren’t being loud in response to music, that’s just how they were.
Even the neighbors; the houses in the subdivision are that close to each other, but whenever anybody is having a conversation outside a residence one or two houses over, guaranteed, always peeking out the window because it absolutely sounds like they’re hanging out and chatting in front of the house.
Dianna Booher, author and BooherResearch.com CEO, wrote a blog for The Huffington Post in 2016 (which was updated the following year), where she outlined the “7 Habits of Highly Obnoxious People.” She included “Obnoxious people talk too loudly to get attention” at number six and “Obnoxious people offend with thoughtless, uncaring actions” at number five; both things exhibited by the parties in question – speaking at a loud volume and not caring if they bothered other patrons.
While, personally speaking, the described behaviors are detestable and rude, could it be another instance of culture clash? Obviously, there are loud people all over the place but, in most instances, they are either self-aware and moderate themselves; have friends to call them out when they are going too far; or those around them express their aggravation with the situation – which nobody ever does.
There was another encounter at a fairly prominent restaurant in town. There weren’t that many people in that day, but, in the middle of lunch, one customer came in and yelled to her friends from the door, which was met by shrieks. She proceeded to stand in the middle of the restaurant and spin. Her friends probably enjoyed the show and it would have been something fun for a private get-together, but is it fun for them to make a public spectacle?
The same thing happens at the gym, many people have conversations across the room when they’re on different machines – sometimes it’s between somebody exercising and another person just sitting. Is it an invitation for people to join their conversation? Based on the topic being discussed, is it a matter of trying to show off? Either way, by yelling across a room for an extended period of time, it’s still an effort to grab attention.
Personally, was brought up to believe yelling (especially for no reason) is rude, along with being a “show-off.” Considering such behavior has been witnessed across a wide spectrum, there is an inclination to think such conduct is merely a cultural trait one must adjust to; if it’s not, could it be a pervasive issue affecting many in the community?
In a February 2018 article in The Guardian, Leo Benedictus discussed the need for attention. He acknowledges everybody likes and (at times) needs attention, but he also touches upon those who become obsessive. The writer points out, such attention-seeking traits could stem from loneliness, explaining, some are searching for “a feeling of belonging, not always in the best way;” which, he noted, could lead to perceived narcissism.
The late Dr. Billi Gordon wrote a piece for Psychology Today in 2014, where he talked about “excessive attention seeking.”
“Excessive attention seeking is not a character flaw,” the neuroscientist explained. “It is a brain wiring response to early developmental trauma caused by neglect.”
“The more their needs are neglected during early development the more the child equates getting attention with survival and safety,” he elaborated. “In turn, the more he or she develops the belief system that it is necessary to go to whatever lengths to get attention.”
While not claiming to be any kind of expert (or have any kind of knowledge) in local child-rearing habits, based on observations of the public, with so many kids often unaware of fundamentals like saying “please” and “thank you,” looking both ways before crossing the street, standard politeness, among other basic behaviors, there may be a point to what Gordon is saying with regard to neglect and developing a need for attention.
A 2009 New York Times piece by Douglas Quenqua also looked at technology and how it has impacted the public. He discussed those who have loud conversations on their cellphones in public, noting, “Handheld technologies make people noisier and less aware of their surroundings.” The writer also notes, when confronting such individuals, things don’t always work out so well and, often times, many just endure it – perhaps the noted observations are not people accepting it as culture, but just tolerating it as to not make any waves.
“Most people aren’t built for public confrontation, fearing an awkward moment or perhaps a fist in the face,” Quenqua pointed out.
While it is still unclear if the over-the-top loudness is a cultural trait, again had to peak out the window while writing to see if the loud conversation heard was, in fact, taking place out front – the voices were loud and clear, but there was nobody in sight./WDJ