Four years and counting since moving to the Philippines after living in the United States for nearly 30 years and there are still cultural barriers encountered in the assimilation process. One of the first issues that continue to linger is the habit of many individuals who refuse to offer friendly greetings and, in many cases, offer a blank stare instead.
Before signing up for a gym membership, used to go on runs and walks around the local subdivision and during those times encountered others who were out getting some exercise. Crossed passed with a middle-aged woman on her morning walk, greeted her “Good Morning!” with a smile and all she gave in return was a scowl. Thought of it as a one-off and kept going.
On another occasion, encountered a couple in the morning and smiled and greeted them with a “Good Morning!” and received the same response.
It happened over and over again. There were a couple replies, most of the time done begrudgingly considering when they said “Good Morning” they frowned or mumbled it back.
These experiences eventually caused a chilling effect with greeting people and, today, seldom greet anybody. It is still a habit to offer a pleasantry to somebody like a neighbor or colleague – it’s almost instinctual – but have grown to ignore the urge to say “Hi.” Sometimes, there is a moment of self-reflection, thinking, it’s worth it to be nice; then again, why be polite to somebody unwilling to reciprocate?
Elio Leturia, an associate professor at Columbia College Chicago, wrote about the issue in a 2012 Huffington Post blog. He asked “Why do so few people greet others?” and recalled experiences in different situations, from working in an office to being in the classroom.
He cites a friend, who told him “sociability has decreased among younger generations.” He also noted, the behavior can transcend generations and go beyond millennials and Generation X, considering the aforementioned encounter with the middle-aged woman.
His friend went on to say, “They’re more interested in pursuing individuality than in following social rules established to promote group cohesion.”
Leturia concludes, “Me-centeredness is simply part of the culture now.”
Another theory to the behavior is linked with disease. Rob Dunn penned an article in 2009 for Smithsonian, where he wrote, “Where diseases are common, individuals are mean to strangers.”
He points out, a place like Sweden has vey few diseases and has 15 languages within its borders, while a country like Ghana, which has many diseases, has 89 languages. It might explain the Philippines, which is also riddled with disease, has so many dialects spoken throughout the over 7,000 islands.
Dunn cites a study by Corey Fincher and Randy Thornhill, both of the University of New Mexico, where they looked into links between the prevalence of disease and social interaction.
“Strangers may carry new diseases and so one would do best to avoid them,” he explained. “When people avoid strangers – those outside the tribe – communication among tribes breaks down.”
After asking the question, “Are the places with the most diseases also the most xenophobic?” their study said, “Yes.”
“Where diseases are more prevalent, individuals are less open to meeting strangers and to new experiences,” Dunn wrote. “Where diseases are more prevalent, cultures and languages differ more from one another.”
“If you meet someone who is wary or even openly hostile to you, who bows or shake hands rather than kisses and in general keeps their distance, chances are they come from some place with a terrible prevalence of disease,” he added.
Dr. Alex Lickerman wrote about the power of a smile in a 2012 issue of Psychology Today.
He focused primarily on smiling at strangers.
“For me, smiling at strangers is a small exercise in compassion,” he wrote. “Studies have also shown that feeling just as often follows expression, that is, when we smile, it actually makes us happier.”
Lickerman believes offering the greeting may bring unwanted attention or, as he put it, “an invitation I don’t want to offer.”
“We often guard our privacy intensely and prefer the barriers that exist between strangers to persist, finding ourselves reluctant to break them down even a little bit,” he explained. “That attitude, I’ve found, often conceals an inability to set appropriate boundaries.”
Lickerman concluded, “In smiling at strangers, I acknowledge their humanity, and in doing that, in reminding myself of it, I promote peace.”
Personally, have always considered the perceived rudeness as conceitedness, as if they were below them to acknowledge the presence of another person; in some instances, it’s probably correct. However, in order to remove the “attitude” aspect to the argument, am willing to believe it attributable to a culture that frequently encounters disease. But, as Dr. Lickerman said, by offering a smile, it is acknowledging another person’s humanity. It’s another simple way in which people can work towards getting along rather than the imaginary “competition” many are formulating in their minds./WDJ