By Herman M. Lagon

We all have them — those little things that poke at our patience until it wears dangerously thin. Maybe it’s the tita who cuts the line at the grocery. Or the beachgoer who treats the sand like their trash bin. To some, these may seem petty. But for those who value courtesy, common sense and community, they feel like small cracks in the social fabric. They are not just annoying — they’re reminders that our shared values are often taken for granted.

Take littering. Picture yourself walking by a quiet bay, only to find piles of PET bottles and milk tea cups left behind by the day’s picnic crowd. It is more than an eyesore; it is a betrayal of the community’s effort to care for its space. A 2023 SWS survey showed that 78 percent of Filipinos think their surroundings could be cleaner. And yet here we are, a country that prides itself on bayanihan, but cannot seem to manage a trash bin.

Then there are bullies. They don’t always shout or shove. Sometimes, they work in whispers — backhanded compliments, eye-rolls in meetings, subtle sabotage. I once worked with someone who could not celebrate a younger colleague’s success without slipping in a snide remark during a presentation. According to a 2022 JobStreet report, nearly half of Filipino employees say they’ve experienced bullying at work. Most of the time, it’s not about strength — it’s about control, masked by silence.

And yes, cab drivers who pick passengers. If you’ve ever tried catching a taxi near Mall of Asia during rush hour, you’ve likely heard, “Ay, ‘wag diyan, traffic!” It’s not just frustrating — it’s a form of silent discrimination. It breaks the promise of public service. The LTFRB has rules, sure. But enforcement? That’s a different story. For commuters, it’s a tiring dance with unpredictability.

Let’s talk about the self-righteous, too — those who weaponize morality. I once sat through a homily that subtly shamed non-tithers, forgetting that some families were barely scraping by. The same smug tone echoes in politics, where certain leaders speak of honesty but live otherwise. As Harvard Business Review once put it, real leadership is rooted in humility — not in preaching from a pedestal.

And cinemas? Remember when watching a movie felt sacred? Last year, I watched “The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes” with my daughter. A man in front of us kept narrating the plot and scrolling through his phone — at full brightness. It wasn’t just rude; it robbed others of an experience they paid for. Maybe we’re so used to noise and screens, we’ve forgotten how to sit still and simply be with others.

Line cutters and social climbers also make the list. Whether they jump queues or game systems with fake charm, they disregard the silent contract of fairness. A 2019 study from Ateneo notes that while Filipinos value pakikisama, there’s a line — and many still know when it’s crossed.

On the digital front, there’s our favorite combo: slow internet and grammar snobs. While our speeds have improved a bit in 2024, the lag is still real. Then there are those who publicly correct others’ grammar online — not to help, but to show off. It’s exhausting. Even the Jesuits would remind us: Focus on meaning, not just mechanics. Extend grace, not just rules.

Speaking of grace, the unforgiving are just as exhausting. Whether it’s a friend who keeps bringing up a mistake you made in 2010 or a colleague who can’t acknowledge growth, their bitterness hangs in the air. Forgiveness is not erasure — it’s release. A 2022 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who forgive enjoy better emotional well-being. Sometimes, peace is the bigger win.
Name-droppers? They deserve their own category. Every sentence starts with “I was with …” or “When I met …” It’s not confidence — it’s compensation. What should be a casual coffee chat turns into a one-man TED Talk on influence.

Then there are credit grabbers — those who somehow always end up presenting the team’s work as their own. I once worked on a proposal for weeks, only to hear a colleague deliver it as if it were all his. A 2022 Philippine Management Association study shows that 60 percent of employees believe proper credit improves collaboration. Sadly, it only takes one to break that trust.

And let us not forget the vague or “seen-zoned” repliers. You send a detailed message and wait for hours, only to get a “noted” or worse, silence. In a world of instant messaging, delayed replies can feel like ghosting — especially when something’s urgent.

But here’s the thing. As much as these peeves drive us up the wall, they’re also mirrors. They reveal what matters to us — fairness, kindness, responsibility. They show us where we draw the line, and sometimes, how close we are to crossing it ourselves. When someone cuts the line, do we fume for hours or gently call it out? When someone’s loud at the cinema, do we hush them or wish we had the nerve?

Pet peeves are part of life, like traffic and rain. But how we respond to them says a lot. Maybe we cannot stop all the inconsiderate acts. But we can choose not to mirror them. We can stay grounded, speak up when needed, and laugh off what we can. As the Jesuits would say, we’re all human — flawed, yes, but still trying.

And if nothing else, the next time your patience runs thin, breathe. Choose kindness — without losing your backbone.

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Doc H fondly describes himself as a “student of and for life” who, like many others, aspires to a life-giving and why-driven world grounded in social justice and the pursuit of happiness. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the institutions he is employed or connected with./WDJ