Trust is one of the most important factors in any relationships. From family members to friends to colleagues to lovers, trust serves as the strong foundation to maintain good and lasting connections with the people around us. However, trusting someone isn’t always that easy, especially if you have experienced betrayal in the past, which often leads you to question people’s true intentions.

For me, I regard trust as a game – a serious game where the wager is a person’s integrity. When I trust someone, it’s either I win or lose. If I win, then we both win and are deemed highly-respectable individuals when it comes to trustworthiness. If I lose, it’s because I misplaced my trust and will regard it as a lesson learned and contemplate the other person’s personality and integrity – do they deserve a second chance?

I personally often test a person to see if I can trust him/her. I have this notion that promises and words should be kept. Hence, if a person promises something to me, I’ll take it seriously. If that person is unable to keep up with his/her word, it would definitely decrease my trust level in that person. Furthermore, I gauge trust on how well a person can keep a secret. I may say something to him/her and see if it will leak or not. If it does, I would automatically cross that person off of my trust list.

It is also important to test a person in the game of time. Will a friend stay through the hard and dark times or will I only see them when I’m on top? I’m a self-proclaimed generous person and I’ve seen quite a lot of people who call themselves “friends” because of this trait. People expect me to give a lot and I don’t mind because I am happy seeing others happy when receiving something from me or seeing I was able to help them. However, I realized those people just stayed because of what they can get from me.

When I hit rock bottom, I wasn’t able to turn to any of these people. Only a handful (I can count them on my fingers) stayed and helped me. Those who stayed were the ones who helped pass the time and stayed with me through the bad and good moments.

I keep long-lasting relationships but these relationships are founded in trust. If there is no trust, then the connection isn’t as deep as it should be. I still keep relationships where trust has been broken for the sake of “our times together” but I don’t invest too much emotion, time, and effort on these kinds of connections anymore. After all, nurturing a relationship without trust is futile. Just like growing a flower you know, from the start, has no roots, it is beautiful on the surface but it can die anytime./WDJ