“What if you simply devoted this year to loving yourself more?” –Elyse Santilli

I came across the above question while browsing the internet and it had me thinking: “Will self-love make a difference?”

2018 was a journey of mostly downs than ups for me. Perhaps the only positive thing that happened was being able to get a new job, which I am satisfied about. Aside from that, I consider 2018 a great challenge, especially when dealing with my relationships with people. Being away from the Philippines took a toll on many of my relationships. I had falling-outs with some family members and friends once considered my greatest treasures whom I would willingly sacrifice my life for if need be.

Over the year, I realized I gave all my love to people around me without keeping some for myself. I was a selfless kid who had simple joys of seeing family and friends happy. I thought giving all my love away was the best that I could do for these people, until I became empty.

After all I had done, my love wasn’t enough for them. Since I gave all my love away, there was nothing left for me and I felt broken – totally shattered.

Before 2018 concluded, I stumbled on the quote I shared above and asked myself that question. What if I simply devote myself this 2019 to love myself more? Will I be happier? Perhaps, I will. Perhaps, I won’t. But I won’t know if I don’t try, right?

Some may call it selfishness and I both agree and disagree.

I agree because loving one’s self first before others is a selfish act in itself. However, I also disagree because sometimes one must prioritize one’s self first before others.

Take the rule on rescuing someone as an example. Isn’t it the priority of the emergency responder to secure their safety first in any emergency situation? In order for them to be a help to others, they need to be safe. The safer they are, the more they can be useful in times of need.

It is the same with loving yourself first. If you’ve given too much love to people around you to the point of your own pain and destruction, is that love healthy? Is it doing something good for all of you? If not, I believe one must step back, reflect, and start loving one’s self first. After all, you can only give the best kind of love if you know the real meaning of loving and respecting yourself.

In the last part of 2018, I decided to rebrand myself and welcome 2019 with a new me. I had my hair cut short, styled with bangs, which was already a bold move for someone who had long, un-styled boring hair ever since she could remember.

I also took a leap of faith as I opened new paths this 2019, along with creating a road for new adventures and experiences that will help me grow as a person. And I, for once in my life, had the courage to cut ties with people who brought tears and pain to my heart.

Cutting ties was probably the hardest decision I had to make considering it meant letting go of people I love. But someone used to say cutting people off doesn’t mean you hate them, it just means you start to respect yourself more. By respecting myself more, I might be able to retrieve the love I lost for myself and start to see a new and positive perspective. My heart will always be open for these people – should they choose to come back in God’s perfect time – but, for now, I choose to love myself more this year.

I choose to be happy. I choose self-love. I choose ME.

Wishing the new year brings prosperity and love for us! May God bless us all. Happy New Year, everyone!/WDJ