This year marks the fifth Christmas in Bacolod City since moving back to the Philippines in 2012. In all that time, however, despite Bacolod City being my birthplace, it still does not feel like home. One can argue, nearly 30 years living abroad, it is hard to overcome so much experience elsewhere, but in this debate between “expat” or “balikbayan,” even with a burgundy-colored passport, it still feels like the former – and, in a way, it’s intensifying as days go by.

This is not to say it has not been a comfortable experience, it has been memorable – even life-changing – but the culture clash experienced in that first year living in the “City of Smiles” still lingers to this day. However, it is not so much feeling like “a fish out of water,” but more about dissecting culture.

Christmas over the past couple years has been a subdued event. No family get-togethers, no gift exchanges, no parties – it’s usually an all-day feast at home. It has actually been one of the more enjoyable changes, however. No Christmas shopping stress (less money spent) and none of the awkwardness that comes with such gatherings.

Thinking about it, are those events missed at all? Sometimes. With a large portion of the family living in the United States, it is tough not seeing them for such long spans of time. The last trip back to the US earlier this year, in particular, managed to figure out a schedule of putting in hours at the office while staying with friends in New York City, but with family about an hour-long bus ride away in New Jersey, it was difficult finding time for a visit and was not able to drop by.

They say the secular meaning of Christmas is about being with friends and family and that is the absolute truth. And perhaps that is a reason why Bacolod City doesn’t feel like home because those warm feelings are severely lacking.

A subject that been mentioned in previous columns is the church experience in the city. Since moving, have attended mass at three different churches and they all were somewhat chaotic – during what should be an otherwise meditative time. At one church, it is impossible to celebrate mass without people approaching asking for money (not the church collection, but beggars); another church was just too filled with pretentions, the efforts by people to draw attention to themselves rather than the service was just too much of a distraction; while another church had kids screaming and running around, parishioners washing their hands in the baptismal font, and (as of late) a priest taking a political route in his homilies.

During Christmas, one of two times Roman Catholic churches in the America are actually filled with the “faithful,” in the least, despite the crowds, the service is as expected, a thoughtful one. The celebrant is listened to intently with the story of Jesus Christ, his message about love and unity echoes throughout the church, and parishioners are generally considerate of one another. For the local experience, enduring unbelievable crowds in church, hearing conversations going on all around (in tones nowhere near a whisper), and with every open space available in the church being used a playground, the religious aspect of the observance is impossible to appreciate.

It is also difficult to get into the holiday spirit, not to say the same attitude wasn’t felt while living in the United States, but in Bacolod City, it just feels like December 25th.

Sure, TV networks have holiday-themed specials, even releasing seasonal promotions featuring their stars, but its entertainment. Part of the reason might be because the holiday season is so drawn out. From September 1st, it’s “Christmas season” and, by early November, I’m already over it.

Even in the US, radio stations are often lambasted for playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving Day, which is observed annually on the fourth Thursday of November, purely because it is “too early.”

A side effect of that is ever-present in the Philippines this time of the year – overkill.

With the protracted “holiday season,” by the time Christmas rolls around, it already feels like too much. The folks that complain about early Christmas music definitely have a point.

In addition, part of the holiday season around the world is Christmas shopping and fighting crowds to find the best gift for their loved ones. Have experienced the crowds at malls across the New York City metropolitan area but, as usual, Bacolod City manages to stand out. For the local scene, the issue begins even before arriving at the mall. The traffic (which is exponentially worse this year) kills any type of holiday mood in an instant. Standstill traffic for no logical reason – waiting for a double parked jeepney to load passengers, a slow-moving tricycle straddling lanes, vehicles driving on the opposite side of the road; all of whom believe they have the right of way – encourages nothing but turning back around and heading home.

Sure, traffic is a problem everywhere, but that is typically due to congestion. In Bacolod City, sure, there is congestion; which is only exacerbated by nonsensical driving habits that are tolerated by the city government and those responsible for “managing” traffic.

Once at the mall, in the US, the main annoyance is long lines at the register, which is expected with a heavier volume of customers. However, visit any local shopping mall (and this can also apply to any random weekend in the city), it’s a madhouse – quite literally. Crowds of people seemingly required to walk side-by-side, slowing down every single person behind them, and then expressing their annoyance when somebody wants to get past (as if it were some kind of unannounced parade); salespeople, particularly the mobile phone sector, bombarding customers once in close proximity – it is unclear how having four or five salespeople huddle around one shopper and shouting at them is really encouraging profits; and finding sales that aren’t really sales, either discounts placed on items with inflated prices or holiday promotions on items the store does not have in stock (even it’s just an hour after opening).

In the end, it all emboldens one to avoid it all and stay home.

It is still unclear if it is just a matter of slow assimilation or a product of being too engrained in western culture.

What causes more of a dispute is the way in which western culture is so promoted among the local media and populace, how some born and raised in the country only speak English (with affected accents), with many even purposely mispronouncing Tagalog or Ilonggo words to sound as if they were just learning the language for the first time.

Is it because the “western” influence in the city is merely a front and, having actually grown up in the US, it’s easy to see through? Such a situation would make the immediate surroundings seem less like a home and more of a façade – leaving the US for a culture that desires to be “US-light.”/WDJ